willing and weighed
When we started praying about joining staff with a non-profit (read: full support being raised by us) 14 years ago, there were 2 things that I felt strongly about the idea:
I was placing myself on the altar in order for us to be obedient to what God was calling my husband to in the next season of life. I loved my job at the church we were in; I loved having family so close and having weekly lunch dates with my mom; I loved our community and friends and the life we had built in the state we had grown up in. A move across the country would mean an end to all the things that I had found comfort, hope, and joy in. That said, it was a willing and weighed sacrifice. I truly believed God had orchastrated this next step, preparing us in so many big and small ways. He confirmed it over and over, showing himself to be faithful and good. I knew he was in it, and that obedience brings blessing. I wasn’t sure God had anything for me on the other side of this move, but trusted that if it was good and ordained for my husband, it would be good and ordained for all of us.
By officially joining the evangelical mission field, I was convinced that I would have to trade my quasi-fashionable wardrobe in for denim jumpers and naïveté.
But God, in his great mercy, gave me a year and a half of support raising to get my heart and mind to a healthy (and fashionably accurate) perspective of what he was leading us towards. I remember exactly where I was in our old neighborhood when I felt like I heard him say, “I have things for you in this, too. You can go back to school!” And with those few words, my imagination was sparked for all the possibilities that the fresh start might hold for each of us. I had contemplated attending seminary off and on since graduating from college, and knew that our new city might hold more options for that than our little village currently did. Like Mary (but less young and holy), I pondered these things in my heart, allowing excitement to grow as we prepared our little family for the move cross country. I once heard that “fear is our vision of the future without God in it,” and I set my eyes on that for a few minutes to long. But can I say? When we say “yes” to the things he has for us, he opens the best of doors and leads us in the best of adventures (and sometimes even allows us to keep our own sense of fashion for it - ha!). If you’re facing fears about the next big/unknown/more-questions-than-answers thing, ask him for HIS vision for your future, and take the step!